There’s nothing more agonizing in the world than knowing you know I have a crush on you. Awkward side glances in the hallway, constant tension between your friends, more importantly, not knowing. I cant even express in words how insane i have gone. Any mental hospital would check me in a moments notice. The saying “Ignorance is bliss,” is a shit load of bs. I really, truly, deeply, want the truth. If you don’t like me, so be it. If you do, great. Just go out with me already! Give me at least a fighting chance. In this world and life time I am not a loser who doesn’t even try, unless I have to run a mile… My point is, “You don’t know how things are going to be, unless you take chances.” You can even quote me on that. Don’t get me wrong here, I know it’s hard to muster up the courage; all because of the fear of rejection, but no, get the damn courage. In this new century girls are “allowed,” as some would put it, to ask the guy, but I want the love story magick, even it’s the heart breaker one. We can say we gave it a chance and move on with our lives. Maybe after all this shit goes down or if it even goes down, something good or wonderful can come out of the experience. Please, just give me a chance.
With tons of love,
There comes a time in every teens life when they discover the magical world of boys, or girls if you flow that way. But anyway for me it’s boys. So far it sucks. Well to be perfectly honest, I have had a “serious” boyfriend before. As serious as middle school relationships go, I should say. I was the one to brake it off, but also the one to be the most heart broken. If he even was heart broken. (I hope he was.) I had a very good reason to “rip the bandage off” too. The base of a healthy relationship is trust right? Well, he didn’t trust me hanging out with other guys. And to make things worst, my best friend at the time was a guy. That worked out well. Not. I decided to go with the girl code: “Sisters before misters” or brother before….lovers?? Anyway, after that I couldn’t hang out with all my guy friends because my ex was friends with them. And I guess that’s how I started to become friends with people my own gender. Smooth move that was. So now here I am with a crush, or three… Oh my, I’m in for a wild ride ahead. The best part is, all of them are oblivious to my existence. I shouldn’t say that. Zach knows exactly who I am and not for a good reason either. My “friends” like to scream my name in front of him whenever he’s around. I feel bad for him, it must be really embarrassing. As cheesy as this sounds, all he does is smirk at me now. What’s that supposed to mean? “I know you like me and I think it’s funny.” “I’m satisfied you like me because it makes me feel important.” or my favorite, “Why do you even like me, I’m so out of your league?” What do you think he’s thinking when he puts that smirk on his face?
Today I realized two things. One, I really want to punch John in the face. And two, I’m changing as a person. Now the question is; Am I changing for the better or worst? Let’s lay down the facts. In seventh grade I was this cute, prissy, squealer, bubbly girl who would just listen to your problems. In the beginning of eight grade I was the same as seventh grade me, but as the days went on I morphed into this stranger I didn’t even know. Well, I guess I did know her a little bit but now she’s coming out. And frankly, I don’t want her to be revealed. The real me… it’s a tuff topic. I have this side of me that hates everything and everyone around me. It’s truly horrible. I’m just this snappy bitch that’ll really tug at your heart strings, and not in that teary emotional way but in a twisted rip your heart out way. I’ve spent all my life trying to push “me” down but I guess now I’m just getting tired. How did I go from this bubbly loving girl to this cruel wicked bitch?
Now as every teen’s life goes there is drama, but mine until a certain point. Everything has been all rainbows and unicorns up until now. Lately there has been some short, or two month long “cold shouldering” friendship. Not that I kept count. Let’s just say I was the one on the other side of everything. All my friends would keep quiet every time I came around. Fun right? No. I was completely in the dark. I asked Vanessa what was up but all I got out of her was “I have no Idea..” If any of you are still reading this, keep going. Turns out Miriam, my best friend, was telling lies about me to them. “She hates you.” “She makes fun of you behind your backs” “She twitter bashes you” Those are some of the lovely things she’d say about me. When i found out the truth, my first instinct was to fix it. But no, nothing stays rainbows and unicorns after that. I ended up being friends with them again but not Miriam. Lauren, Denise, Vanessa, Miyasia, not even Katie talks to her. So of course I being me is caught in the middle. Should I put her through the “cold shouldering” or should I try to mend the friendship we had? Those are the questions that swirl in my mind at night when I try to get my 8 hours. What do you think?